Just Another Train-Ride Home?

There are a few things that I CANNOT travel without. My wallet, my ticket, my phone, my music and/or a book are my primary necessities on a journey. It so happened very recently on an extremely last minute journey back home that I forgot two of these pivotal things – my music and my literature.

And so it came to be that I was sitting at the window in a rather empty train with absolutely nothing to do sharing my seat with an elderly man who did not seem very friendly. After a few minutes of wringing my hand, fixing my hair and reading and re-reading ancient texts in my inbox, I gave up and decided to escape into my last refuge-sleep. I had only just dozed off when another man walked in. Middle-aged with a make-shift French beard and wearing formal clothes, we’ll call him Mr Unemployed. Now, Mr Unemployed starts a conversation with the unfriendly elderly man who in fact turned out to be a politician. So Mr Unemployed and Mr Politician start talking about the roads in Kerala with Mr Politician defending his beloved ruling party in every way possible. Perfect!! And then the tea-vendor comes and they buy two cups for themselves. Nothing abnormal there. Mr Politician says Thank You. Hmm, Mr Polite Politician. Has a ring to it. The vendor leaves and Mr Polite Politician realises that he has been given extra change in return. He gets up immediately, runs after the vendor who is already on the platform and returns what is not his. Mr Polite, Honest Politician! They both finish their tea. Mr.Unemployed promptly throws his cup out the window. Mr Polite, Honest politician decides to wait till the next station, detrains and throws his cup in the dustbin there. A politician who is honest and polite and has a civic sense! Now, I’m impressed!

 And then Cool Student walks in. Faded jeans, a random graphic tee and headphones in his pierced ears. Mr Politician gives him a disapproving look. Mr Unemployed promptly starts a conversation with him too. So it turns out Mr Unemployed was working with something and got laid off during the financial crunch they faced. And after the 15 minute answer he gave to Mr Politician’s query as to what he does now, I figured he just didn’t bother looking for another job. Probably has enough work managing his French beard (which I noticed was dyed black with one strand of white hair left out to add the contrast). Mr Honest Politician detrains and I’m a little disappointed. I direct my attention back to the conversation between Cool Student and Mr.Unemployed. They talk extensively on various subjects of primary importance to every ‘Malayalee’ with Cool Student talking in Manglish (Malayalam with a little bit of heavily accented, grammatically incorrect English thrown in)– only I was just not interested any more.

That’s when Orthodox Pop-in Law walks in. He does a recce of the surroundings, shoots disapproving glances at Cool Student and signals someone waiting behind. In walks, Shy New Wife with Extremely Young Husband. Clad in a burqa that covered every inch of her body except her eyes, she sat next to me coyly as if she was scared to move or talk or show any sign of life whatsoever. I tried desperately to make eye contact with New Wife. Her eyes were fixated on the floor. After a few attempts, she looked at me. The shock in her eyes! She took one look at me in my T-Shirt and tights with my legs propped on the seat, loose hair all over my face and looked down so quickly that I immediately regretted trying to mingle with her. Young Husband, on the other hand, amused me to no extent. He would wait till his father’s eyes shifted from his general direction and then slyly, put his hand on his new wife’s hand, rub his feet against hers or simply look into whatever was visible of her face. It was a scene right out of a cheesy Mallu movie.

Around the same time Cool Student tries to start a conversation with me. “Where are you going?” “What do you do?” “What is your name?”- (runs his hand through his hair Shah Rukh style)-  “Malayalee ano?” Disheartened by the one-word replies, half-hearted nods and grunts he gets in return, he gives up.

 A while later, my station arrives. As I get out of the train to meet my brother and a few cousins, I realise that the journey didn’t seem so long after all. I guess our peculiar fellow-humans are the best entertainment available to us. Each different, each new. For what can a Sherlock or a Bourne do that Cool Student can’t! 

One For The Boy-Who-Lived

I have a confession to make. I was one of those kids who actually waited for their Hogwarts acceptance letter on their eleventh birthday. There, I said it. Call me stupid, impossibly-imaginative, childish or plain obsessed. I am eighteen now and guess what? I still don’t regret it! No, the letter never came. Yes, I was a tad bit disappointed. But no, I certainly don’t regret hoping that it would come. Here is why – because that tiny little tinge of hope kept me excited and happy for weeks. The very thought that something beyond the ordinary, something magical may just happen gave me wings. There was, obviously, the more logical and practical me screaming her lungs out constantly and expressing her displeasure. But for the first and last time, I chose not to listen to her. For all the people out there who just don’t understand what the big deal about the Harry Potter series was, I suggest you ask all the people who do. These books might not go down in history as ‘classics’. But they sure were a phenomenon. They may not be the best-endowed in grammar and literary devices nor are they exactly ‘enriching to the intellect’. However, they are pure entertainment and in their own subtle way, highly enriching at the emotional level. It simply gave people hope. Hope that maybe there is a world intertwined with ours, hidden in plain sight,  that is so similar yet so different, full of magic and extraordinary things, totally disconnected from our mundane lives and where all your dreams are just a flick away.

 JK Rowling was successful where all others failed. She made people believe. She gave them hope and they grabbed on to it as tight as they could. They connected with the orphaned, bespectacled boy wizard with the lightning shaped scar on different levels. For them, it was more than the unfaltering friendship, the love or the triumph of good over evil. It was a world they could escape to. This non-existent world was, ironically, something a surprisingly huge portion of people today believed in and drew hope from, irrespective of nationalities, languages and other irrelevant barriers. Ask yourself when the last time was that the whole world, or at least a huge chunk of it, believed in something together and you’ll find the answer to why Harry Potter became a global phenomenon. He brought the magic back into our lives. He taught us to let go and believe in the impossible.

As for me, I still slip away into my magical hiding place where the biggest academic problem is how to turn water into wine, where I can fly around on broomsticks, my pet is an owl, where luck is liquid and mermaids exist in reality. Let’s just say an eleven year old boy came into my life one day and it hasn’t been the same since.

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To Find Myself

Look at me, pray understand

Who I am and who I could be

Pray listen, each of those

Unspoken words I say.

Let me be, let me speak

Of all the things I never felt

Let me know, let me seek

The fire none could ever see.

Set me free and believe

For I can fly, these wings of mine

Let me dream and take me there

Where deep in me, I reside.

Let me leap, touch the sky

And as I glide to the ground

Pray be there and watch me shine

Watch me live, see me grow.

For I’ve seen you, I’ve understood

Seen you fly and believed,

I’ve found you and seen you shine

And now it’s time I find me.

MEET THE RELATIVES...

This is an excerpt from a normal conversation I would have with a long-lost relative if I happen to run into him/her at some family event.

Relative 1 : Look at you! (turns to Relative no.2) She’s become taller than her mother now!

Me : (with a weak smile) Yes, uhmm..

Relative 1 : Oh my, you do recognise me don’t you? I was there at your 5^th birthday party!

Me : (looking around for mom) Oh yes, I do! How can I forget? (very broad smile)

Relative 2 : (with an evil smirk) Really? Tell us who we are then.

Me : (finding mom) Mom! Look who I met!

Mom : Oh, why its… (spills the beans on the relatives’ secret identity). You do know them, don’t you?

Me : Of course, mom. They were at my 5^th birthday party! (tries to make an escape. Fails miserably)

Relative 1 : So what do you do now?

Me : Oh, I finished my first year of Architecture at Manipal.

Relative 1 : So grown up! (smiles) I’ve heard so much about Manipal. How do you find the place? (raised eyebrow, expectant look)

Relative 2 : Architecture? I have an uncle whose wife’s brother’s neighbour’s son is doing Architecture. Very nice boy. What is the course about anyway?

Me : (confidently) Oh,it basically deals with designing buildings and all that.

Relative  2 : You mean, draw plans for houses? Well, in our days you see, the mason and carpenter did all of that. Now they have a degree for it! (laughs tauntingly and looks at Relative 1, who promptly joins in)

Me : (grudgingly) Its not that easy really.

Relative 1 : How difficult can it be? (without waiting for an answer) It’s a five year course, like medicine. (with a concerned look) You’ll be quite old when you get out of college. Then you have to find a job, find your footing. It’ll be difficult to find a nice boy when you become that old. (turns to Relative 2)

Relative 2 : Yes, indeed! (turns to mom) You know that boy I mentioned earlier? He’s about her age. You should try casting your net and roping him in early! (winks in my direction)

Me : (I bet he isn’t a fish) Haha. (glares at mom)

Relative 1 : (turning to mom) It’ll only be a few years before she’ll have found her own boy (points finger in my direction). Don’t do that my child. You’re there to study, remember. (turns to mom) Did you hear about Govinds daughter? Such a nice man and his daughter decides to fall in love! Exactly why todays children……

(Quick escape. A moment of relief. And then I bump into the next long-lost relative)


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I Have Seen You There.

This is one of those 5 minute poems. Stuff you scribble down as and when it comes to your head and you feel an almost urgent need to put it down on paper because you know you want to preserve the feeling. Here goes.

I have seen you there, from the very first moment I opened my eyes,

From the very first moment I learnt to let the light in.

I have seen you there, the first time I took a step and fell,

Saw only pride in your eyes, wondered why you didn’t care.

A thousand hands rushed to me but all you did was smile

Knowing that I would one day learn to lift myself off the ground.

I have seen you there, the first time my feet moved with the rhythm

Of the music that came from you, that late evening on the front porch

The sun was going down and even through the darkness I saw

You basking in the light that was and came from me.

I have seen you there, the first time I scribbled a meaningful verse

I ran to your writing desk, ecstatic, and so proud.

And all you did was smile, pat my head and with a slight nod of the head

Fold my piece of treasure and stow it away in yours.

So today as I look through the dusty books in your empty room

And find a crumpled up piece of paper, yellow with age,

And I see my first meaningful verse in my immature hand,

Or as I look through your old cupboard and I find, my little blue sock

Holes and all and my little black bangle I once loved with my life

I realise I was the only one who grew out of it all.

And as I remember those long evening walks, I remember the pride in your voice

As you showed little me to your friends and the way you held my hand so tight

I always wondered why but now I seem to know, you were only afraid to let go.

So today as I walk around your empty room and sit on the bed I wasn't allowed on,

I see what you have always meant to me and I see what I was to you.

Your little girl is back from the far place you asked her not to go to

All she needs is you.

And so I promise, you will see me here, the next time you open your eyes.

You will see me here, the next time you take a step and I won’t let you fall.

You will see me here the next time you make music on a late evening on our front porch

And my feet shall move to your rhythm again.

You will see me here on your next long evening walk and we will go

To all the places we have been and talk to your friends

And you will introduce me yet again and I will be proud

For my little hand will never grow out of yours.

And so, come back for your little girl for I am here

And all I need is you.

Midnight Ramblings of a Crazy Mind.

Midnight musings are the best. It’s just plain amazing what the lack of light and sound around you can do to the sheer pace and clarity of your otherwise frequently interrupted thinking process. Definitely makes me wonder if the deaf and the blind and the differently abled have a much clearer view of their world than we do of ours.


 Now, one of the many things I hate about New Years is that it makes me look back and reflect. This is also, incidentally, one of the many things I love about New Years. Every New Years, I have a tendency to surprise myself. I think about myself and how I was on the 1st of January. And then, I think about myself and how I am on the 31st of December. It’s amazing what 365 days of living can do to you!! You realise everything is different. Your life, the place you live, your family, your friends, relationships, your priorities, the way you talk, the way you dress, even the way you perceive the world around you. It’s like you get a whole new identity every year. Is that a good thing? To find yourself different each year? To realise that your definition of ‘me’ doesn’t seem so accurate anymore? But then again, isn’t change the only constant? It certainly can’t be wrong to learn from your experiences. In the course of a year, there could have been a hundred people you met and who made an impact, however insignificant, on your life and the way you see it. Some of them, you held onto. Some of them, you had to let go. Each new day is a learning experience. Even the worst of days teach you the best of lessons. The same goes with all kinds of relationships. Where is the room for bitter feelings then? It is only natural that you learn from all the things you did and saw, right or wrong, and use it to change yourself in the way you see best. You, probably, won’t even notice it happening until one fine New Years, you decide to turn and look back. 


Now, can something that alters you in some way without your knowing, be called change? Is there room for guilt and regret? Or for that matter, celebration? And so, I prefer calling it ‘evolution’. You can’t help it. It’s natural and you just have to accept the fact that it has happened. Now, look back and try to remember. Those small, seemingly insignificant moments in that one year that seemed to add meaning to your life then, the relationships you built, the ones that grew stronger, the ones that broke, the people you met, the choices you made and all the hard thinking that went into them. Everything. Now the moment you start regretting who you have become, you are, in essence, also regretting all of the above. Now, that’s a sad waste of a year. 


So yes. I’ve changed. And I’m not going to regret it. Maybe I’ve changed for the worse. But there’s always room for correction and I'll try because nothing in the world is ever that bad. But life’s too short for regrets. And that’s what came out of my latest midnight musing.  :)

Another Doomsday Article..

22 May 2011. 6.00 PM local time. The end of the world-Doomsday, Armageddon call it what you may. Now, for people like me who remain blissfully oblivious to all the doomsday prophesies that crop up every other year, it came as quite a shock when the infinite and mostly correct source of my knowledge (people call it the Internet), told me that the ‘Rapture’ was ‘scheduled’ to happen the next day. According to an evangelist in the US atleast. On enquiring with Google and two very Bible-educated Christian friends, I was told that in short Rapture was when God would ‘beam up’ all those who have been faithful or righteous and leave the rest of us sinners on Earth to suffer for 7 years under the rule of the Anti-Christ. My mind immediately projected an image from a long-forgotten alien invasion movie-a mysterious beam of light lifting people up from the streets, the perplexion on their faces and then the screams. Only here, the huge mother-ship that covered the sky was missing and there were no screams as such. And everyone who was lifted up was wearing white for some odd reason and all of them had a very vivid ‘Ha! I told you so!’ expression smeared across their faces.

But then again, I did not believe in doomsday theories. So it was after a lot of rubbishing the very possibility of the world ending and exclamations of disbelief at the extent of human stupidity that I stepped out on the 22nd. The day went by and I had totally forgotten of the ‘impending’ doom when a friend whipped out her blackberry (Yes, she has one too) and started reading News about how people in the US had even quit their jobs in view of doomsday and were travelling around asking others to repent before it is too late. That struck me as quite odd. Human stupidity could not have got that bad. Einstein could not have been right. This very flicker of faith in human intelligence caused me to doubt for a split second if there was any substance in the claims. Well, I decided to wait and watch. An hour later, the clock struck 6. I looked around indecisively half expecting to see people being beamed up into nothingness. Nothing. Well, I figured, maybe I took it all a bit too literally. So I looked around again, expecting people to just vanish into thin air leaving their garments to fall in a heap on the ground, just like in the movies. Nothing.  It was 6.05 already. We’re safe, I figured, and walked away with smug satisfaction, the ‘Ha! I told you so!’ look smeared across my face.

So here are two things I learnt from the latest doomsday scare. One, human stupidity is infinite. Einstein was right. There is no doubting it now. Two, humans are making a complete joke of faith. God is smart enough not to give us a doomsday schedule. In a world where not a single soul is perfect, I doubt anybody is going to be beamed up with a direct pass in to heaven. I don’t see the point in committing a lifetime of sins and then repenting on the last few days merely on account of doomsday. Where is the truth in it then? And even if God did beam up a few, I doubt he would discriminate on the basis of religion, region and caste.

A smart friend (she has her moments) once asked, “Why would God bother destroying the world when everyone knows about it?” Well, I agree. He would rather catch us unawares. Repentance would be more genuine then.

All this last doomsday did, like all the others before it, was spread worldwide panic, instigate people to quit their jobs, destroy the very credibility of doomsday to such an extent that the next time, even if it is right in our faces, we would refuse to believe it and most importantly, strengthen the theory that human logic is dead. So congratulations everyone, you just survived another doomsday! Here’s to 2012!