It is a Truth Universally Acknowledged

That a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. Or that a single girl, in possession of a good fortune or broke, must be in want of a husband. Marriage is a very serious affair in my country. Now, I’m sure that it is quite the serious affair in yours too (this is me liking to think that people from all over the globe read my blog, but I digress) but in mine, especially when you’re 21 and almost a graduate, it’s pretty much supposed to become an end in life. You see, when I think of marriage I don’t feel all warm, sunny and photogenic. I feel like the fire in my backyard, the existence of which I’ve been wilfully denying, is finally on my backside and oh boy, does it burn.

I am at that point in life where a lot of my seniors from school are married and some are with kids while more than just a couple of my classmates are seriously contemplating the thought. In Kerala, where I come from, 21 is the standard age, as dictated by  21st century societal norms, when your parents are supposed to ‘start looking’. Everybody knows if there is a single girl whose parents are ‘looking’ because important NEWS like that spreads faster than common cold. The way I understand it, your entire life is supposed to be spent building up an image that will be found acceptable at this crucial moment when your parents finally open the gates to you. I’ve heard of prospective in-laws sending ‘private investigators’ to the college the girl in question attended, to find and dig up dirt if any. So if you’re thinking of putting up a Facebook profile picture with a boy in it, think twice. You might just kill your excellent chances at a narrow-minded mother-in law.

Now my parents know, understand and embrace my immaturity and have accepted that I am not quite done being a kid or educating myself but every single time I am at a family gathering, the following happens. Some distant relative will start a count of the number of my cousins who’re married and this discussion has lately been ending at the conclusion that my elder brother is ‘next in line.’ He is then exempted by the laws of unfair advantage to the male and everybody looks at me. This is usually followed by collective laughter and elbow- nudges (where I assume I’m supposed to join in, exhibit a degree of reluctant shy-ness, pretend I’m in a Bollywood blockbuster and break into a song about my dream man). Disappointed by my apparent lack of enthusiasm, an aunt will declare that I be ‘married off’ by 23. I will guffaw (because ‘laugh’ does not quite cut it). To this, a very forward cousin will very gallantly stand up for me and say that 23 is too early for ‘today’s time’ and that I shouldn’t think of it till I’m 25 but no later because apparently you’re senile the day you turn 26. I will protest vehemently and say the word ‘career’ and the older adults will promptly gang up and try to drag me away from the materialistic path I’m on because there are more important things in life like getting married to the near-stranger they approve of. Finally, the oldest adult in the room will declare how he/she wants to take part in my wedding before he breathes his/her last and then everybody nods and disperses because that just settles it, doesn’t it?

Now, that right there is standard conversation at any family event. It gets worse if you happen to be wearing a saree. I’m terrified to the point that if I’m wearing a saree and an adult comes up to me to say ‘Look how grown up and pretty you’ve become!’, I immediately look around for that single son or a concealed phone camera. Nobody gives compliments like that to a single girl at a Malayali wedding without having a match in mind. I am especially wary of people asking me to pose for pictures alone because one, my arms look fat if I can’t hide them behind the other people in the picture and two, because I’m pretty sure there is an online community of Malayali moms who love their sons where the pictures are going to be put up and reviewed. My own mother asked me to stand still for a picture the other day and I ran away screaming.

So you see, marriage is  like a humongous boulder hanging over my head on a loose thread right now. Nobody, in my part of the country atleast, seems to understand why anyone would want to stay unmarried after they’ve graduated. I mean I’m sure there’s that accepted thing where you can hunt for jobs in pairs. Travel the world? Even better if you have a husband to go with you! Money? Well money comes and goes and we’ll get you married into a ‘good’ family so there’s no worry there. Higher education? I’m sure your in-laws won’t have a problem with that. What if I’m not even close to ready? You don’t have to be. It’ll be like having a permanent friend you’re expected to sleep with and make babies with that’s all. What if I simply want some time to myself? *scoffs* That’s a western concept. In our culture, everybody gets married and has children before they figure out what they want in life. Also, your biological clock is ticking and you’ll birth alien babies after 30.

We once told our Spanish teacher (who’s only 22 and touring India alone now, by the way) about the above scenario in response to him laughing at Indians constantly asking him if he’s married or engaged. He opened his eyes wide and suggested we run away. As much as I like to believe that my parents are the coolest people on dear Earth, I can’t begin to imagine the pressure they’re under because they have a single daughter in the house. Good humour can only beat so many aunties at a time. Add to this my general irrational fear of marriage and near-complete ignorance of the inner workings of the opposite sex and I am pretty much living my personal nightmare. Every social event I go, I feel like I’m a moving exhibit presented for everyone’s appreciation and attention. Demons and dark rooms? Bah! Malayali aunties with single sons or nephews? Now that is something to be terrified of. So you see, marriage is quite the serious affair in our country. It is more a societal norm than an individual choice. While there has been quite the relaxation in the ‘Who you can marry’ laws (British guys still don’t qualify sadly enough), there doesn’t seem to be any leniency whatsoever in the ‘When you should marry’ clauses. And so I hope you’ll excuse me now as I wind up this post and figure out my migration to Timbuktu.

Why I Think It's Totally Okay To Believe In Superheroes and Other Unrealistic Stuff

My brother and I weren’t the sort of kids that liked to step out of the house and engage in that game of street cricket which our parents liked to think were ‘friendly’. We were the weird kids in the new house at the end of the street that got to watch WWF (later WWE) unsupervised in the evenings and whose parents got them to do most of the Sunday gardening (taught us responsibility they said). But as a five year old girl and a ten year old boy, you are expected to fulfil certain social commitments to avoid being called names in school and hence, we forced ourselves to go play with the other kids once in a while. Half an hour into a game of Catch, my brother would snatch my arm from amongst the other 5-10 year olds in the group and announce in the manliest voice he could muster,

“We have to go.”

“But you’re it!”

“Sorry, Batman’s calling.”

“What?” the 10 year olds would say while the 5 year olds, myself included, gaped on with stars in their eyes.

“Yeah on our phone.”

“I don’t hear your phone ringing.”

“Not THAT phone silly. The other one.”

“But you said that last week.”

“Yeah well, they call us every week. Right, Ammu?”

He’d shoot me a glance and I’d nod in hasty agreement. You simply don’t disagree with your big brother publicly when you’re five. We did this every week and all the kids we used to play with believed us, a little less bright as they were in the pre-internet era.  My brother would hold my hand and lead me up the steps to our house. We would go to this little cupboard that we had under the stairs (I know right!) and he’d pick up an imaginary receiver. Smart as I was, I’d venture.

“But they aren’t listening anymore.”

“Shh. Batman’s waiting.”

I would shut up. Nobody kept Batman waiting.

I like to think that that’s how everyone started off – believing they could have a superhero at the other end of a phone line tucked away in a cupboard under the stairs. That it’s everybody’s first real dream to own a cape, a mask, be able to wear their underwear over their pants and have a symbol across their chest. When you’re five and having your cheeks pulled everywhere you go, there is nothing more empowering than waving a plastic cricket bat in the air, shouting “I have the power!” and imagining your resident stray turn into the Mighty Battle Cat.

Superheroes are important when you’re growing up. They defy all logic, defy high-school norms and defy unnecessary rules like gravity. They fly, wear masks, fight the bad guys, champion the nerds in the cafeteria corners and more often than I’d like, they lose. But then they get up, all bruised and battered, and summoning their last reserves of awesomeness, proceed to kick some serious bad-guy backside. They then simply walk away, alter-egos intact, leaving ordinary humans still guessing as to who they really are. Unless you’re Tony Stark.

I am not and never have been a super-hero aficionado and I have never owned a substantial enough number of comic books. I am the kind of fan that stuck to the cartoons and gaped at the movies and like all the people that take that route, I have never known the internal workings of any super-hero universe. So yes, there’s me. And then there are the other super-hero fans who know and understand Peter Parker like he was their sibling. Now, these are the people that take personal offence if you even mention Stan Lee without talking about Jack Kirby or Steve Ditko first and who scoff at you if you believe that Spiderman had webs shooting right out of his wrist. He had a web-shooter! How dare thee!

They are the oddities that laughed at Zack Snyder’s Krypton while you sat there open-mouthed in innocent wonder and whose very souls were broken by Ben Kingsley’s Mandarin. They are the ones that noticed how Spiderman had blue hands in The Amazing Spiderman and oh boy, did they disagree. All this while you were probably preoccupied drooling over Andrew Garfield and/or Emma Stone. They are the ones that will break your throbbing heart and tell you Wolverine looks nothing like Hugh Jackman because “He’s much shorter – a little over 4’ maybe.”

 And then there are some sections of our population so grounded in reality that they question the sanity of us imaginative folk who love holding on to our fictional idols even after we’re legally adults. They call it ‘Escapism’ – a situation where we escape into a non-existent world because we’re probably too chicken to cope with ‘real’ problems. Well, what is wrong with a little escapism may I ask? I believe that sometimes that’s exactly what we need. I like being able to look at an awkward-looking guy in a crowded place and have my brain involuntarily wonder if he has a cape tucked away in his bag somewhere. It makes me extremely weird but it brightens up my day. I will not venture to say that superheroes teach us some very important life lessons. Maybe they did at some point, if you were a smart kid back in the day. But once you’re a certified adult, nobody pays much attention to the moral of the story when, instead, you can gawk at angry green men beating up demi-Gods.

I adore the extra-ordinary and thrive on the unrealistic. I am escapism personified. The way I see it, real-world problems do not get sorted out because you dwell on it. They get sorted out because you act and nothing gets my adrenaline pumping like a good super-hero story. Peter Parker dealt with abandonment issues, bullies, unpopularity, Uncle Ben’s death and being bitten by a radioactive spider. I am so going to resolve this toilet on that floor!

My mother never understood why I go absolutely ballistic every time Robert Downey Jr says “I’ve successfully privatised world peace” or why, at one point of time, my biggest dream was to get bitten by a radioactive spider. Sometimes, the 21 year old realist in me makes me forget too. Just when I begin to question my fitness to be in sane society a little after watching the latest Spiderman movie, I look to my side and see my friend waving her wrists, first at me and then all around, making “Tchoo!” “Tchoo!” noises and shooting her imaginary webs all over. You see, childish as it may sound, we’re the ones with the alternate realities in our head where we are wand-wielding wizards or masked vigilantes with the super-power to fight everything that’s wrong. We go there quite often and come out with minor quarter-life crises. It is our means of escape from the physical reality we live in that can get a little too mundane at times.

Super-heroes are important when you’re grown-up. They fly, wear masks, fight the bad guys, champion the social misfits and kick some serious bad-guy backside. And then if you have as much awesome as Tony Stark in you, you can go ahead and call that press conference.

'Happy' @ Faculty of Architecture, Manipal University

Architecture isn't one of the easier majors you can take up in college. However it goes without saying that even in the middle of the consecutive all-nighters, soul-crushing reviews and the unhealthy amounts of caffeine in your system, there is still something bright to be found especially in a place like Manipal. This is a little something we, being the outgoing batch, compiled to show just that. Enjoy and share away! :)

The Aarushi-Hemraj Double Murder Case - Guilty?

I am a self-confessed media junkie with an (until recently) unshakable belief in the system despite its obvious shortcomings. I like to believe there is such a thing as unbiased media, that the spirit of responsible journalism is not dead and that mainstream media is, in these times,  the most powerful weapon in the hands of the common man. I also like to believe that the system has been designed with a view to protect our interests as citizens of this country and hence, it cannot be used to work against us if not for us. I am forced to rethink my convictions now.

The Aarushi-Hemraj double murder case has garnered a tremendous amount of media attention in the last five years or so. Now I have not been to the scene of the crime to review the evidence for myself nor have I any means at my disposal of verifying their credibility personally. I have not spoken to anyone associated with the case. What I know, like every other person, is what I read in the print media and watch on TV. This is an article I happened to read - a 10,000 word investigative report on the case as published in the Tehelka magazine. (And no, I'm not willing to listen to anyone question the credibility of this report because of the charges against Mr. Tarun Tejpal because honestly, this has nothing to do with that. If you have ANY other grounds to do the same, I am very much open to it.)

http://www.tehelka.com/framed-the-aarushi-hemraj-murder-case-an-investigation/

What I also saw and heard of, were exclusives on televised NEWS channels that put forth strong allegations regarding Aarushi's 'promiscuity' as a teenager, her 'questionable' relationship with the 45-year old house-help, her fathers extra-marital affairs, wife-swapping (I don't even know what that is) and her mothers failure to break down on national television while talking about her deceased daughter. That proved to be their undoing in the eyes of the general public. They did not cry enough. Forget the mystery behind the pillow-case that was put down to a typo, the suspicious and drastic changes in the CBI's view of what happened, sudden retractions on statements given by the doctors who examined the bodies, the three helps, once the prime suspects, and not given a second thought following the change in the CBI team investigating the case and the fact that the Talwars urged for the investigation to be carried on after a closure report was filed by the CBI admitting it did not have enough evidence to convict the father. But they did not cry enough!

With all the speculation that it created, all the unverified 'facts' it propagated and all the wrong sort of questions it raised, what the media created was a swarm of general public biased in their opinion on the case - a nation incapable of neutral thinking and objective assessment. It is only human that once an idea takes root in us, every thing we see and hear we use to strengthen our motive for acceptance of the same. I fail to understand when it was that the media went from presenting the NEWS as it is to attempting to manipulate and dictate our judgement.

What the Talwars had to deal with were an evidently biased team of CBI investigators, an investigation that was shoddy from the very beginning (The police did not open the terrace door where the body of Hemraj was discovered later on, because they weren't handed the keys to the blood-stained lock. This was later blamed on the Talwars.), a public that asked for justice without complete knowledge of the facts and a media that was speculating on why they did not cry enough. My opinion is also completely based on what I have read from multiple sources and while I am open to argument, I simply do not see the logic in this conviction when there are, apparently, so many glaring loopholes in the evidence. It scares me to know than an individual can be convicted of so serious a crime when there are so many questions that can be raised with respect to the proof of him/her being guilty beyond reasonable doubt. The Court has awarded them a life sentence. The Talwars will undoubtedly appeal. The outcome of this tragic case will go down in the history of our nations judiciary and it will not paint a pretty picture of it in the eyes of the country and of the world. In the meantime, I am left with a highly depleted sense of trust in the system and the fear that what happened to the Talwars could happen to me. 

TO THE JACKS OF THE TRADES

Whoever came up with the absurd notion that being the jack of all trades and the master of none is necessary a bad thing was, well, wrong. It is almost like telling someone that given you enjoy milk chocolate, you should definitely stick to milk chocolate and not try that strange chilly flavoured one. Or something along those lines. I’ll have all the chilly and curry flavoured chocolate as I please, thank you very much!

Are you one of those people blessed with an angelic serenading voice that can drive Lea Michelle crazy? Are you capable of doing a full mid-air split? Or are you one of those who play professional football while they take a break from the theatre group that they rehearse with when they find time off B-Boying or skateboarding or playing the Cello in the middle of their drawing studio? If you are, and I honestly mean no offence, you are easily responsible for my latest near-quarter life crisis.

You see I am a student of architecture who can sketch just about well enough to scrape by, dance quite decently enough, write a few lines when in the right mood, sing better than Celine Dion in the shower and cook a pretty neat Omelette under the right circumstances. Can I ever aspire to produce anything remotely brilliant on canvas? Nope. Can I do a mid-air split? Nope. Can I ever dream of creating something like Harry Potter? *Laughs at self.* Nope.  Hell, I sound like a dying walrus outside the shower and, left unsupervised, I will positively set your kitchen on fire. Winning Gordon Ramsey’s heart is a pretty long shot.

But hey the thing about being exemplary at one thing? The pressure to remain so. And people talk of you using words like ‘exemplary’ and ‘fantabulous’ because ‘fantastic’ or ‘fabulous’ cannot begin to describe how GOOD you are. The perks of being ‘ok’ at a lot of things? One. Nobody really expects a lot from you and that being so, you are allowed to screw up once in a while. Two. Nobody notices if you do screw up because they are all watching that kid who is exemplary at his stuff. Three. Despite the fact that you could potentially screw up, you get to test the waters everywhere anyway because face it, you’re not that bad either and they could always use you. Which is why I have a blog that not too many people pay much attention to but my content is still out there. I am not criticised half as bad about what I write as, say, Arundhati Roy or Shobhaa De. (Not that I imply I am anywhere in the same league). Also I’m allowed to write for the college magazine. I am part of the official college dance crew, forever positioned in the right corner, second line from front. And my mom lets me cook as long as it is just an Omelette.

Point is I thought a lot about it under the covers with the lights off and everything after watching the latest SYTYCD auditions where 18 year olds do all the things I had aspired to be able to do when I was 18. I am almost 21 now and I’m not even close. But I digress. Point is, it is perfectly okay, I guess, to not be exemplary at anything. The important thing is to be able to be open enough to try everything out! And being ‘acceptable’ at a lot of thing leaves you a lot of room to take a bite of every cake with minimum possible disappointment. Plus nobody pays you a lot of attention anyway so even if you fall flat on your behind on stage you can simply dust yourself and join in again like nothing ever happened! Does not work with being in the centre of attention. And you only get to be the centre of attention if you’re truly exemplary at stuff. ‘Exemplary’. What a funny word.

I feel better already!

Untitled

Ok so I am no poet. I only dabble in poetry in utmost secrecy.  I am just a person with a major issue with leaving things unfinished. I scribbled the first four lines on a sketchbook in class one day simply because I cannot draw well enough to make any sensible doodles. It took me three months but I FINALLY finished it! This piece has been the sole cause of my excruciating writers’ block lasting the said months. And that is the only reason I’m daring to put this up.  Here goes!

A cruel game of love it goes, cupid once chose to play

He, a dark knight and she, the fair queen - the story came to be

A lonely glance, not one word, consumed all lines drawn

A set of rules, a game of chess and all else in between.

It rained lives on the battlefield, the story goes to say

The stench of hope, a peaceful wind with haunting nightmares to keep

The moon in all his silver glory, bright over the crimson ground

Shone over the knight’s studded sword and the queen’s golden crown.

And soon enough they heard, it’s said, a strange melody in the air

A tune so slow, an eerie steady, much too silent to be

As walls collapsed, a fire so great it tore down the guards of will

The Gods of fate sat far above, conspired in misguided glee

A test of loyalty, a clash of faiths – the story then comes to speak

Of sleepless nights under glittering skies, a tale not meant to be

The gift of choice, a bane so great, the truth so wrong and yet so right

For what is choice but a fanning breeze in a storm when destinies collide.

She felled his castle and bishops too; he, her soldiers and her pride

In a perfect world they’d leave it all but not in here- not black and white.

As each raced towards the other’s king, neither did dare look behind

For what they feared was a ray of hope, a promise of release so divine.

His armour glistened in the sun, the rays danced on his shivering arms

A clash here and a quick swish there, the fair king’s neck under his sword

He caught a glimpse of her golden hair, soon swept away in a tide of victory

“Checkmate!” came a disembodied voice, a voice that quivered with boundless joy

The Gods looked down as they rejoiced in the triumph of scripted destiny

And so it ended, another game, another day, yet another loss

But their little game had changed it all, a divisive kink in the chain of fate

That bend all rules, even those of chess, should such a second choice be made.

Put in shackles with her head still high, she watched him lead the victory march

He, the dark knight and she, the fair queen – the story so came to be

He turned around, a second glance that yet again consumed all lines drawn

For today there were no more games and nothing else left in between.

Of Freezes and Falls

I am a dancer. In fact, if you ask me who I am I would probably shuffle between that and ‘I am a writer’ depending on who you are. But in the present context and with reference to this note, I am, first and foremost, a dancer. Because that is what I have been doing from when I can remember. 

There is no rush like the one you get when you are on that stage, the music so loud you almost feel the beat hit your heart and the crowd is cheering you on. Or when you get your ever first standing ovation. Or when in between a routine you look through the corner of your eye and find 8 others in impeccable synchronisation with you. Or when you get good enough to call yourselves a 'dance crew'.

This is my crew - my 'after-hour activity'. And this is one of the best and one of my last times on stage with them. With only 9 very average dancers and a fancy name nobody could really pronounce to start with, you could say we have come a decent enough way. Those 8 hour after-class rehearsal sessions weren't for nothing after all.